This Morning

I was dreaming. Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard our door open and quick little muffled footsteps. I felt the weight of Matthew on the bed and heard his giggles as he jumped on top of Steven. Several minutes later and after Matt had convinced Steven that he should get up and feed that noisy cat I managed to pry myself out of bed. I might have stayed longer but I heard lots of da-da-da's and other happy jibberish coming from Will's room. He stood up to greet me and when I picked him up he sucked his thumb and tugged at his ear. Now that we've made it to the year mark this milk maid is no longer milkin', so I immediately took Will into the kitchen to start drumming up some breakfast before I had to hear his impatient whines.

He gave me all of two minutes. In that two minutes he had pulled out all the plastic bowls and lids from the cabinet, removed a majority of the magnets from the fridge, pulled open the sliding pantry shelves and was holding a bag of microwave popcorn as if to suggest that be his breakfast. He started giving me the short, loud, panicked whines trying to communicate to me that he was starving. All I had accomplished was getting a bowl of oatmeal nuked in the microwave and pouring myself a cup of coffee. Steven was showering. Matt was already planted at the computer blaring his music. I scooped up Will who was about to produce some serious tears and together we scrounged around in the fridge and landed on the last english muffin. That could be split between them. Wanting to participate in what I was doing Will was leaping out of my arms so I stuck him in his high chair. Not wanting to hear the whining I grabbed the closest ready-to-eat item I saw...nilla wafers sitting in a snack cup on the counter. I threw those at him and continued my breakfast assembly. The wafers were devoured. Along with the english muffin and pears I gave him. And that bowl of oatmeal he couldn't wait for he took 3 bites of. Hmph.

Matt sat down to the table once I announced that his plate was ready. He slurped up his tube of yogurt in seconds flat and then traipsed to the trash can to throw away the wrapper. By this time Will was protesting that he was done so I fought his angry hands and finally got the sticky jelly off of him and placed him on the floor to play. Matthew ate a few bites. Then he'd go help Will with whatever he was into. He'd go back to his plate. Then back to Will. Then back to his plate. I think it took him 30 minutes but he did finish his breakfast. Every last bite. I looked around desperate for something I could eat and couldn't come up with anything better or faster than a slice of pound cake. What's wrong with that? Steven was part of the scene now so I took the opportunity to go put my gym clothes on. I returned to the kitchen and microwaved my coffee that had gone cold yet again and took bites of the cake as I washed dishes and dodged children. And yes, I hand washed ALL the dishes so I didn't have to fight Will with the dishwasher. He can hear me opening it from wherever he is in the house and comes scooting in as fast as he can. He thinks it's the coolest toy in the house. Too bad it's one of the dirtiest.

We said good-bye to Steven. A 12 hour day for him. Matt was luring Will into the living room to the stash of toys by the couch and then I heard him announce that Will had pooped. "It's stinky over here, Momma!" He was right. I scooped up Will and we headed for his room. Matt followed. We got to Will's room and Matt told me that he would cover his nose with his blankee so he wouldn't have to smell the poopy smell. Nice. Good plan, Matthew. I grabbed the wipes and a fresh diaper and set him on the floor. The changing table only serves as a napping spot for the cat now. Here's why. Before I could even unzip his jammies he was up. Put him back down...unzip and pry the limbs out. He's back up. Put him down again. This time hand him a toy to look at while I deal with the dirty diaper. He throws the toy and then squirms to try and reach it. Even with my lightning fast diapering skills I am not fast enough for Will. I got his bottom cleaned and then he was up again. He crawled a few feet from me and then looked back in his cute nakedness and grinned. I tackled him and wrestled him into a diaper and he escaped again. I selected his clothes for the day and chased him all over his room until finally every piece of clothing was on him.

I retreated to dispose of the diaper and to brush my teeth before we headed out. As I was walking around while brushing my teeth I observed the war path all around me. I had cleaned up the kitchen with all its tumped out plastic bowls and lids probably 4 times already, there were all manner of toys strewn about in the dining room, Will's room was now destroyed and then I spotted the two of them in the bathroom. I removed the toilet paper before Will could get his hands on it and then went to go finish my brushing. I returned to find them in the hallway. Matt was sitting square in front of the nightlight grinning at Will who was making a beeline to it. He reached for it and I grabbed him. On our way to the door we picked up all the messes all over the house. I grabbed my keys and diaper bag and then looked at Matthew. He still had jelly smeared all over his face. I washed him off and then glanced at the diaper bag to make sure I had all the essentials and we were finally out the door. To the gym. Me on my elliptical machine. Sweet aerobic bliss.